When Drake dropped the catchy hook “No new friends”, I could not have agreed more. Throughout life, I have had the privilege of befriending all walks of life. The real privilege however, is that I attended the same school from Kindergarten to 8th grade. Those group of friends I call ‘my forever friends’. Though we don’t talk often, when we link up it’s all love. One constant in my life has been my friend and sister, Janan Green-Ashton. She even thought I was awesome enough to be the Godmother of her twins, a responsibility I take seriously. We been rollin since 1995.
Janan is a triple threat, actually quadruple. She can sing, dance, act and let’s not forget her GPA is way above 3.0. Since the birth of her twins, she has carried on average 20 credits a semester and has performed in 8 stage productions. Last week, Janan was nominated to join the Zeta Beta Chapter of Alpha Sigma Lambda. This is a National Honors Society for adult learners who have achieved excellence in their studies while facing responsibilities of home and work. In May, she will sashay across the stage as a Penn State graduate with her degree in Integrated arts and African-American studies. However, her greatest accomplishment and biggest blessing is being the loving & devoted mother of twins. Since their arrival in July 2014, I have watched Janan give her ALL to everything she is involved in. As one of her two closest friends, I often worried about what Janan was doing for her. I always got (get) on her about her “self-care” plan. One day, she expressed that she wants to begin writing again, I told her I am all ears and eyes.
Last week, she sent me this piece (posted below). I sat on it for a couple of days because I couldn’t believe she read my mind and heart. As a woman, I was reminded that I am not alone in these feelings. Janan & I have both made conscious decisions to be our own light on the darkest days. I hope her words mend a heart today.
**Janan I can not put into words how PROUD I am of YOU and HONORED to call you friend and sister. Everything you have and WILL have is because of your hard work and dedication. You will receive your hearts truest desires. May 7th le` turn up**
Intimacy seems to be a thing of the past
Yet, it’s something I crave so intensely
I yearn to be unforgotten
To be more than a faded memory in your sheets
The scent in your pillowcase
I crave more than good fucking that leaves me open
More than one seeing my being at its most vulnerable state
While I remain an added spirit to you hidden quota of snatched souls
I crave more than being a ploy to gratify your sexual deviance
I want intergalactic vibrations
Radiation of positivity – hope
I long to be more than someone’s ruin
I crave a love so deep that cliches can’t fathom the feeling
Don’t just send chills down my spine for a 10 minute ride of orgasms and nothingness
Woo me with a prayer; pray for my sanity, peace that surpasses all understanding
I crave redemption, no longer wanting to be scorned by empty “I love yous” or incomplete promises
I crave to be more than one’s burden
Don’t use me, don’t play me
I am not your woodwind, your blues won’t serenade me out of my panties
I yearn the truth
I crave to be your photosynthesis, let my aura provide you oxidation, relinquishing you of toxicity
Allow.me to be your guiding light
I am more than one’s sustainability and complacency. ..
I am sustenance